yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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