so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
