when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
