I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
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