I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
