exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
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