You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
