Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
