I hate all girls vehemently.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
don't judge my taste in strippers
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
