so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
