They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
