she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize