Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
