dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
