dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
