i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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