Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
