he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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