so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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