Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
