so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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