Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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