He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize