Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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