Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
