This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
