Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
