Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
