i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
