you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
