Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
This is my gift to your gina
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
