Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm at about main and main street
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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