AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
