There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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