I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
