yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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