On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
