I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize