Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Are we still banned from the library?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
