Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
