I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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