i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
