saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
