@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
