I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
