Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
We need to get me chipped asap
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize