Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
