my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
