I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
