Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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