I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
