i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Randomize