so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
