If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
