I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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