clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize