I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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