You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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