well I can't set my house on fire every night
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
