god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I have feelings that need drinking.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
