Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
