i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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