Soap is not a condiment
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
