I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
