Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
