Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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