well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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