chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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