she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
