My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
