So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
