she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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